HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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