nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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