I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
