I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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