glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
