she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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