oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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