his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
