sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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