In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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