It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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