You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
