Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
