Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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