and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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