Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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