it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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