Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
from now on my penis is your penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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