If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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