Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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