so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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