needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
