Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do vagina's smell?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
