i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
