it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
