I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
