Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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