totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize