You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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