just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
