That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
