question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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