You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
