Who did Billy Mays play for?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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