He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
