I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
