Do you still have your period?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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