the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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