CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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