and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
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oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship