This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.