i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito