sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
