dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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