OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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