My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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