You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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