I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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