awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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