Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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