its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize