Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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