I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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