I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize