STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
