I think I died a long time ago.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
