I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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