That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
