dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
