So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
