We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
