omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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