It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
