Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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