I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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